an on-going list of fears

or, modern day monsters under my bed/ things i think about on a daily basis

let’s get the obvious one out of the way: i worry about death. old age. my family and friends dying.

my friends letting me know i was never liked by them.

my v questionable car finally kicking the bucket on my way to work. me getting fired as a result. blowing a tire. getting pulled over. on the freeway. the police.

i’m afraid that somehow my checks or card transactions aren’t working and suddenly i owe everyone money. taxes. my bank accounts being drained. having to move back into my parents house (obviously meaning i’ve failed at my adulthood). finding out my roommate is tired of me. burglary. fire. ants all over my walls. break-ins and squatters. being homeless. waking up in a hospital being told that my life was a hallucination. surgery. THE DENTIST.

my phone falling into the toilet. my coworkers hating me for not taking some of their shifts. getting fired. finding out i was just a pity hire. eating in front of other people. eating by myself. medication side effects. walking to my car alone at night. men. macing myself instead of the attacker.

i sometimes worry that people speaking in a foreign language around me are talking about me. i worry that this make me a narcissist. what i look like. if i even look good in lipstick. if i’m overdressed.  too early. too late. too boring by being on time. like, there’s that weird girl. she’s exactly on time for everything. how unoriginal and sad that she has nothing else going on.

how ridiculous i am for even making this list, having this blog, thinking people want to read it. i’m worried that noone reads this but also terrified that someone is. that i’m not doing anything worthwhile and i still haven’t found something i’m good at. what if my true passion is still out there and i haven’t explored it yet? what if i never do?

i’m terrified of space. of being underwater. the afterlife, basically the unknown.

i’m afraid of the man in my white house and the things he tries to do. of the people who drink in everything he says and live by their hatred of difference. i’m afraid for the people who are being targeted.

also clowns.

add yours! it’s fun to voice your fears and put them out into the open for everyone to judge.

xo,

bee

 

 

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